older,

the sad fact of the matter is

we have failed each other

both becoming exactly what we feared most,

what we knew about each other all along,

the reason we pretend to have never known.

because pretending not to know hurts less than knowing the plain truth:

we have forsaken each other's trust in the worst way possible to the opposite individual. 

i don't blame you, i can't blame you

because i am just as guilty

yes, i failed you.

if I could regret, I would regret hurting you

i forgot about you, as you had forgotten me

so that nothing i was doing was to you,

had nothing to do with you,

i convinced myself you didn't exist

at least in this, my, world.

then i heard you singing and the weight of the world fell upon my chest

strapping your grey t shirt to me, ripping everything open

finally i could feel you again, in that way

i could only feel you in our silence,

in-between the electromagnetic waves of us

you were real again

how did you become so real

and the truth of it all burned me to ashes

when I remembered you.

how could i have done what i've done

thought what i've thought

felt what i've felt

when i didn't think you existed?

to know

that i have failed you

and it is dead.

we killed it together,

when we were so far apart.

maybe i didn't want to be the only one

deciding if we deserved a second chance.

how do you react to that feeling of abandonment?

im human too

i can stop pretending now.

do you still love me

when you see who i am

when it's out in the open

tearing at your chest,

ripping you open

and apologizing

when i'm done?