MacKenzie, on a whim

Do you remember when Irene came? You reminded me of my silliness and played music with your friends until late. When it was time to go home, we drove through slight flooding and parked the van out in front of the house. The power was out so we just sat there, each of us drank a beer, we listened to the radio, the wind,  we spoke to each other. I'll never forget the frogs, the toads? They made that unbelievable noise, the one that got us out of the van and into the flooded streets up to our knees in rain water and mating frogs I couldn't believe it was real and so beautiful. I remember putting my boots on and walking through the river in the woods it was late, we had flashlights, and I was utterly terrified but we were doing it together and no one else had wanted to come with us. I couldn't back down on you and eventually you realized we should stop. We caught an eel in the street, kept him in a Mason jar on the dresser He was there for such a...

"You need to have someone in your life that appreciates you and who you are all of the time! Don't settle and sacrifice your happiness. I know, I've been there. Use your strength and stand up for who you are and what you want...everything else will fall into place. You deserve to be happy and be at peace with everyone in your life. I love you too. Be well and stay safe."

"When someone is searching," said Siddhartha, "then it might easily happen that the only thing his eyes still see is that what he searches for, that he is unable to find anything, to let anything enter his mind, because he always thinks of nothing but the object of his search, because he has a goal, because he is obsessed by the goal. Searching means: having a goal. But finding means: being free, being open, having no goal. You, oh venerable one, are perhaps indeed a searcher, because, striving for your goal, there are many things you don't see, which are directly in front of your eyes." This is one of the great truths of my journey. It's always when you're searching that you find yourself further and further from what you are longing to find. When you give up on searching, exactly what you need presents itself. As a minor control freak, it's extremely hard for me to give up trying to find a path for my life. Hopefully with time, I will get b...

"It means you are home," I've heard her say countless times, "It means wherever you are is your home." that's the truest thing I've learned on this trip, You are your own home and it may be lonesome and cold, uncomfortable at times but damn, it's the truth.  You are your own home and I am on the other side of the world wondering why people are still people Drinking coffee, smoking cigarettes, stealing people's laundry from the wash room  My darling, though this may be true, you are me and I am you, I'm living in half of a home, there is no roof, no walls, the rain drips in and down all the time I'm listening to you sing, wishing I could write like that, wishing to contribute to it all instead of run away from it if that's even what this has been Oh home, home you are me and I am you.

My legs are itching, twitching in the night time, skin's falling off into all my clothes, bones in my mouth, I'm spitting on myself in my sleep. I wake up to the knocking on the doors. I still can't edit anything I write, and I'm running from every Zombie and with every TV character I know. They know where to find me; in abandoned theatres, dusty garages, underneath every piece of summer clothing I own It's winter here, the tail end of cold seasons dark rains and girls in boots. And why did I wash my hair? Should be dressed in black, holding your fingers in mine, walking in the morning in my underwear among bottles and old cups of tea. I promise not to mind the dust any longer, the smell of the carpets that I just want to lie on, yellow rings in the tub, the cat in the sink bottle caps in my toes Your sweet voice, your small appetite, your puffy eyes in the late morning light in the early afternoon shadows, "Hold me, hold me,...