November 18, 2012
Hello old friend of a feeling, it's been a while since we've met. Time to pack everything up, this time though, we're leaving some things behind. I promise we'll be back, how many times have I said that. Yesterday in the fields of music and youth the sun shone on my face and it was all so far away. Today, wake up, smell the chemical coffee and start packing up, throwing out, gearing up. Smoke a ciggie out front with Alex and my hands are shaking. It's probably time to eat some breakfast. One week left here? Goodbye to the insane asylum, drunkards in the back yard smoking and speaking words I don't understand. Their eyes are piercing and they scare me. So here we go. I got this, I think. The calm before the storm is over, we're about to enter the eye. It's the moon, the sun, and the sky. Sometimes I wonder if my strength is a facade, a trick I'm subconsciously playing on myself. I am completely unaware and in control at the same time.
Technology has taught us if something isn't working how you want, simply turn it off and turn it back on again. I'm not your favorite girl and I'm not a lost ipod, a beer drenched macbook, a broken down car. I used to think forever was so easy but nothing is. I hear your voice and those words and aches shiver down my spine, my thighs, my sore back. I haven't slept alone in such a long time, I don't know if I can do it again. That brown leather bound book is calling my name, accusing me of abandonment. Thank god I have her and she can talk me down from the guilt I shouldn't feel. Finish the last sip of coffee, drink the grinds, because, why not? In a few days, this will all be behind me but this whirlwind of places and people seems to never end. I wish it was a simple as coming home, climbing the blue stairs and picking up the cat on my way in. Crawl into your dirty sheets, pretend none of it ever happened. I can't pretend anymore, I used to be so much better at it. I could pretend all day long, play dress up, perform, as you'd say. I can't talk you out of anything anymore, I can't talk you into it either. Here is your freedom you enjoy so much, here they make fun of me for my love of it. We are who we both always thought we were, I think it's time to stop pretending.
Technology has taught us if something isn't working how you want, simply turn it off and turn it back on again. I'm not your favorite girl and I'm not a lost ipod, a beer drenched macbook, a broken down car. I used to think forever was so easy but nothing is. I hear your voice and those words and aches shiver down my spine, my thighs, my sore back. I haven't slept alone in such a long time, I don't know if I can do it again. That brown leather bound book is calling my name, accusing me of abandonment. Thank god I have her and she can talk me down from the guilt I shouldn't feel. Finish the last sip of coffee, drink the grinds, because, why not? In a few days, this will all be behind me but this whirlwind of places and people seems to never end. I wish it was a simple as coming home, climbing the blue stairs and picking up the cat on my way in. Crawl into your dirty sheets, pretend none of it ever happened. I can't pretend anymore, I used to be so much better at it. I could pretend all day long, play dress up, perform, as you'd say. I can't talk you out of anything anymore, I can't talk you into it either. Here is your freedom you enjoy so much, here they make fun of me for my love of it. We are who we both always thought we were, I think it's time to stop pretending.
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