Been doing a lot of thinking..

I will always remember standing in the crowd looking up at you in that jean shirt. I've always loved you in that shirt, especially since it's from the Gap. I will remember little smiles affecting your cheeks, the way you looked at me when you realized I was so close. Most importantly I'll remember you singing to me the words that you first said to me in the beginning. Most of the time you don't pay attention to me during that song, but you've looked at me at the appropriate line twice. Once on our anniversary and again the other night. It feels like so much inside when you do that, when I really believe it and it seems for a split second that this may work. Vividly I will see you tugging the string around your neck from under your navy undershirt to hold the wooden ring between your teeth. Smiling and dancing and feeling so happy, I will always remember the greatness of us. The issue is what I never seem to remember, like talking to you for a total of 5 minutes after traveling across states to see you. Your face in the doorway as you tell me you're going to party, even when you said you'd spend the night with me. The days you said you'd call and never did, the calls you never answered. Tears on the queens bedroom floor while old videos of you play in the background. I am not sure how to cure myself of this sickness, not even the city of my dreams has seemed to help.